On our first full day back in Maine, for the second time this summer, I was called by Maple’s school to let me know that I had until 3pm to decide if she would be doing the hybrid in-person school option that the district is attempting this year, or if she would be enrolling in the Vermont Virtual Academy for the entirety of her ninth-grade school year. I think that I have been plenty vocal about sharing my difficulty in navigating these decisions and hopefully, my concern for everyone else navigating similar ones has been clear as well. It has not been easy. When I took Wilfred into the doctor for his one-month checkup, I leaned hard into what she had to say regarding her impressions and opinions regarding the upcoming school year. She definitely expressed her doubts at the inconsistencies in monitoring actual viral exposure as well as managing for risk. But she also said that I could just let the school decide for me, that most likely the kids would be sent home sooner or later. This is really what I had been thinking and I was personally prepared to send Maple but also ready her for an inevitable return home.
When she decided that she was going to take the spot in Vermont Virtual Academy, I was both stunned and profoundly relieved. Relieved in part simply due to the clarity that she expressed in her decision, she said that at this point, as much as she misses the kids and the teachers, that she is much more interested in diving into her academics without disruption as opposed to navigating a hybrid and precarious in-person option. Y’all, I know that my 14-year-old is a bit of a unicorn in this regard. But she is driven and focused and determined to meet her academic goals.
So, home she is. Classes for the Virtual Academy begin on the 14th, a week later than the public schools, so that the kids can have a full week orienting to their platform and schedules and the functionality of their systems. I would be completely amiss if I didn’t articulate how relieved I am by her decision as well as grateful for our capacity as a family to support a fully home-centered life.
Which brings me to what the actual hell with homeschooling. Just kidding. It is not as bad as all of that. Maple and Eider are just radically different kids and where Maple is driven, Eider is often more distracted, or rather, more acutely interested in the world of video games. This is a hard one for me personally, as well as for both Chris and me as parents. Our kids didn’t have any media exposure at all for the first 7 or 8 years that we were parents. We didn’t even have an actual TV until just about 2 years ago. So, it is not exactly in context within the culture of our family to be gamers. Honestly, I kinda cringe and gag a little bit just typing out the word.
And yet and yet and yet… Who the f am I to shame him for wanting to do something he loves but that I don’t understand? So long as he is safe and also getting outside and moving his body, then what, really, is the problem? If he is kind and respectful and engaged, then I think I can probably relax my grip a bit. I know I have some personal triggers around this, but that is my shit to work with, not my kids.
Sometimes I have to take a giant step back and remember that this same little boy who loves to play video games also loves to play his violin, loves to ride his bike, and loves to play team sports. And sadly, for him and many kids like him right now, contact-based team sports are off the table along with group music opportunities. Which is a particular kind of sting when piecing together what exactly homeschooling looks like for us this year.
For Eider, homeschooling must involve a lot of engagement. Which is rough when it is mostly just mom that the kid gets to engage with. Every year I am adapting and adjusting our approach, and this year is no exception, just made rougher by the circumstances surrounding a global pandemic. To state the obvious. Additionally, I have quite a few hats on my head other than mother and homeschool mother, and our household depends in part on my capacity to keep those hats in place. So, this year, as of right now, I have devised for myself a pretty unsustainable schedule. I think it is going to work for a while and when it no longer does, which is more inevitable than usual, I will adjust. I just need to try not to disappear.
What I have done differently this year is to make more of a hierarchy of needs. Put the hats in order, so to speak. First, it’s gotta be mom. 3 kids. One is a high schooler, navigating big shit for the first time. One is a sensitive middle grader who is struggling acutely with loneliness as well as some inertia. And the third is the busiest and most danger prone adventure-seeking toddler that I have ever known. So, mom first. Then comes homeschool mom. Like I said, engagement for Eider is everything. In years past, I have set out to do a certain set of things each day/week and then move onto the rest of the day upon completion. This year, however, I am approaching it more in relation to time and purpose. So, we will take 2 separate hours on most days, 8-9am and then 10-11am, the time dedicated to exploring what we have laid out as our course of study for the year. (If you are interested in the specifics of that, I may get into it in a later post. This one is already getting quite looooong. But let me know and I’ll share the specifics.) So far I am finding that this approach of filling our time as opposed to completing a task is allowing for both of us to be much more present with what we are doing and less focused on how quickly or not we are accomplishing something. I am enjoying it so far and am safeguarding and prioritizing this time. And thankfully thankfully thankfully, Eider will be mountain biking with a group twice weekly this fall as well as hopefully returning to some iteration of his nature school one day a week. Thank. Goodness.
What this does mean though is that the third tier is my work time. I am most often working at night after I have put Wilfred to bed. Most meetings I schedule are for 7:30 pm or later. I will give up one of Eider’s homeschool hours during the week for a meeting, but only one. I will occasionally schedule a meeting during Wilfie’s afternoon nap, but I am very discriminating about that as I try to block that time out entirely for my asana practice. And it is worthwhile here to note that this is perhaps my most top of top priorities. Right now I am practicing with greater duration than I have in several years, spending 75-120 minutes a day on my mat 6 days a week, thanks in big part to the online offerings of my forever teachers Christina Sell and Darren Rhodes. I am taking advantage of this time and prioritizing this opportunity in part because I recognize how temporal it is and also it is functioning as an absolute lifeline for me right now in terms of making any of the rest of the hats even remotely wearable not to mention functioning.
This means that in addition to working at night, I also need to work on the weekends, saving this time for writing and program design and content creation. It is not ideal. It is not sustainable. But it is functional for now. I have everything in my being set on the twin tasks of being as present as possible with my people why they are in my immediate care as well as creating ever greater and greater efficiency and generative function in my work as possible.
Speaking of which… Good grief, if you made it this far, congrats. Here is the prize. A little preview of the programs/projects coming down the pike.
Practice Wellness Community has one more program this fall. Steady at hOMe. A 6-week home practice course super similar to our summer Grow hOMe offering. Lots of contact, lots of content, and lots of support for cultivating your steady and meaningful personal home practice.
I have a new offering launching this coming week called the Life of Practice CustOM Design. Here is the description for that:
Life of Practice Custom Design is an opportunity to get clear on your personal practice aim and then hash out a plan to bring you into greater alignment with that aim. Sometimes, we all find ourselves stuck in a bit of a practice rut or slump, or perhaps find attention a bit too diffuse and drifting in relationship to a personal asana and meditation practice. An outside perspective and a little objective mapping can go a long way in getting you back on track, whether you are simply longing to rekindle the connection to self that a regular and dedicated practice can afford, or you are interested in crafting a plan toward personal progress. The custom design is here to help in both capacities.
In addition to LOP CustOM, I am also putting 2 courses together that will be available on my website this fall. The first is LOP 101, a 6-week course to start your home practice and the second is Mama’s LOP, a 4-week practice program for pregnant yogis. Both of these will be prerecorded courses available anytime and at your convenience.
Information on all of these will be live on the site soon.
Thanks so much for reading all of this. Good grief. If you are ever needing to connect over the very real-life tasks of just getting it all done, I am here. It is not an easy time. I have no desire to sugar coat any of it or create some false narrative on how to make it all work in idyllic and sustainable ways. It is not currently sustainable for me right now. And honestly, the relief I feel when I simply just admit that is immense. It is good enough for now. I think my priorities are in order and I am holding close to that. As Christina says: good enough is good enough. And sometimes, that is all it needs to be.
Lots of Love.
Take good care, K?
xxx,m