I had no idea on the front end of parenting, or really quite frankly during much of the early years, how much time it is possible to spend fretting over one person’s educational/social/ emotional wellbeing. My mind untended these days unconsciously worries about either finances (always) or Eider (often). I am on a loop. And yes I stress over moo and wilfs too; are they getting what they need, do they feel supported, is there still an opportunity for them to be thriving in the current landscape, etc… But, for me, it is mostly my bear that has my mind’s concern.
I have processed out loud and in my spaces before regarding the why and the how that I think it is, that the easiest kid to parent is weirdly the hardest one to gauge, and for me it certainly continues to be a thing. He is difficult for me to get a bead on and unfortunately also difficult for me to read in terms of how much he is sharing with me or not.
Which is a trigger for me when my ideal is that our family’s most consistent currency is truth and trust. But I let more than a few things slacken at the start of the pandemic and my management of my kids’ screen time was one of them. And Eider enjoys video games. In a world with no contact, it has been some. I know I am certainly not the first parent of an adolescent to feel scared and concerned and skeptical when it comes to this domain. It is a thing. A thing that unfortunately grows is its hold as kids are not only playing games but so many “streamers” are making it possible to spectate while others game and a whole virtual world have taken shape around e-sports, and e-sport community and culture. While I can bend it in order to see the virtue and endeavor to support for the sake of my son, I am still far from a fan and in a steady state of disbelief that much good can ever come from sitting in a room by yourself, talking to players somewhere else, staring at a screen, and shooting people.
This difficulty of the virtual gaming space feels central to what I am managing for now. Tightening the boundaries and limits that he both wants and doesn’t want for me to hold up for him. He is like most of us in that regard I think. He knows there are things he rather be doing that might make him feel better or engage more parts of him in bigger and more meaningful ways, but there is this path of least resistance that when we are at a loss can slide us all right into a screen. It is the world we live in and at best it serves as a beautiful and relieving opportunity for some kind of connection, and at worst it is a trap that siphons off all of our free and vital creative energies. I want him to be happy and fulfilled and engaged in his life. I also want him to be safe.
I have known, since he was extra small, that time outside and in his body and in the elements is a powerful anchor for him and a means for him to settle into deep, honest, and authentic parts of himself. It has been a big part of his life as a home-educated kid, to be in nature programs and spend days out of doors being in relationship with his environment and a small cohort of other home-ed kids and I am relieved that these opportunities seem to finally be returning. He is relieved too.
And I think he is also beginning to see that learning and living and school and education need not look for him the way they do for moo and that that is great and full of all sorts of other opportunities. I see that too. But I am also wondering what that means and what they are and I am staying up late going down the various rabbit holes of alternative high school learning opportunities in Northern Vermont, or alternately just compulsively thinking about what we are doing and what we could be doing alllll of the time. Are we doing this right? Does he have what he needs? What will that look like at different levels, ages, and stages if we continue on this same trajectory?
So, what I really want to know is, in earnest, what are folks whose kids don’t want to go to high school doing? And especially, what are you doing for kids who really have a desire to go to university? Who love European History? And winter and snow? What are the things that I need to know to navigate that path? Hooooow? I think I had thought that homeschool for high school would be great, especially as it fed into a trade of some sort, but how does it feed into a deep desire for academia and higher education? Teach me mamas and papas and parents. Show me the way.