It is funny, and also maybe wonderful, that I haven’t blabbed all about what the what is happening for Eider with school this coming fall. After having deliberated and sweated and stressed over it for the whole gd year you’d think I’d be quick to announce any kind of determination we might have made. I guess relief is funny like that. Once the stone is out of your shoe, you forget all about the stone. Or something like that. I did mention school for Eid in my July Newsletter so there was at least a nod in the direction of that, with a link to the joint included no less. Or more.
Anyhow. My friend Liz’s newsie landed in my inbox this am- one of my favorites btw, simple and lovely and full of fun links which I have decided is basically like touring someone’s mind or house and I am 100% here for it. Bring on your curated link lists! She shared that she was experiencing some sweet sweet decision relief after stewing over whether to send her little girls to school this fall or not- they are staying home and beginning their home ed adventure- yay Liz!- but I was like omg that is it exactly: Decision Relief! That is what I have been delighting in for the past 2 weeks ever since we landed on a plan for Eider for eighth grade. His first choice, no less. Thank goodness. Like I said: R E L I E F.
After 2.5 years of sluggish and lonely homeschooling, I have been searching and searching for a solution that honors him, his needs and desires, where he is at as a learner, what the gaps and strengths are, and how best to support him across the board. Is it with me? Please, no. I am so tired of juggling a toddler and a middle-schooler and feeling a lot like I suck at both. I’m tired of multi-tasking when I should be focusing on him. Tired of feeling guilty about choosing to meet my own needs when I “should” be working with him. Tired of wishing that he were more independent or self-motivated to meet his schoolwork and less dependent on my effort and energy. To say it has been a lot these past few years is a gross understatement.
This spring I announced, that after some visits and exploration, that we were planning on having Eider attend The Mountain River School, a small, alternative, private, place-based, mixed-age PK-8 school just outside of town. It is an excellent fit for someone like Eid and could serve as an ideal bridge between homeschool and public high school, if that is indeed the route that he chooses. Or if this particular school expands to offer high school- something our area needs access to in my opinion, and no, I am not talking about yet another high school ski academy- it could be even more ideal. Classes are mixed grade, with the current cohort of fifth through eighth graders making up just under a dozen students. There are two teachers that work with this middle school age; one offering science and maths, and the other humanities; and each teacher holding down the fort in side by side identical green yurts. When the kids can be learning outside, they are outside. I mean, for an adhock educator such as myself, this place appears to be a dream.
However, I am not one to eagerly fork over cash for private school education. It is not really something I believe in and honestly I would not ever have begun to consider it as an option if I had any intention of paying for it. Our money has, and I can only imagine that for as long as we have children at home, will always go to activities: music, sports, and enrichment. We live in a very small town that only offers K-6, and we have a tuition voucher to cover the remaining 7-12 years. We call up the town offices sometime over the course of the summer to let them know where our kids will be headed come September and they redirect right around $18,000 of tax dollars to that school. I was naively under the impression that MRS was licensed to accept the voucher. They are not set up to accept the voucher at this time. Which is mind-boggling really. Especially in an area where there is a clear need for some kind of alternate at the 7-12 level and with a $13950 middle school tuition which is extra freaking steep- you’d think being able to take that $18K as a small private school start-up would be written into the business plan.
My dreams were temporarily dashed to be sure. But I immediately got my shit together to figure out if I could be the one to begin getting this paperwork together on behalf of the school for the state. I even went so far as to make a formal proposal. Unfortunately, I quickly realized that that was not going to be a remotely expeditious undertaking and would require someone’s effort who is far more savvy than I. So I began to work on potential pivots. Could I homeschool him for another year? Please dear god no. Could he suck it up and go to Peoples even though his experience taking classes at the middle school sucked last fall? An option for sure but certainly not a great one. Could he go to Stowe? He would be with kids from his lacrosse team but oh wait Stowe is fussy about taking the voucher so no dice. What about the private catholic school in town? Could he suck it up? Lots of kids love it there and honestly, it would have probably been a better fit for Moo in 8th grade than Peoples was. Meh, too much emphasis on homework for my taste, or Eider’s to be sure. How about the alternative middle and high school in Montpelier? They take the voucher and seem great. It could be a good fit for this year and beyond and he liked it a ton when we visited. But the drive every day would end me and I am really not sure if that level of self-directed learning is gonna be an environment where my kid would thrive. See commentary above… Blergh.
Clearly, I was spinning. For months. Churning and churning and crafting ways to compromise my kiddo left and right. I knew from the outset that paying for it ourselves wasn’t going to be an option for all of the reasons. Principal as well as financial. I also knew I could ask my mom for help and she would move heaven and earth to make it work for us- if there is anything my mom excels at it is helping out however she can when the going gets tough. But she has helped us countless times over the years: purchasing our first house, co-signing on our second, helping with kids’ activities and sports and camps over the years, and just general generous grandmotherly stuff that in my opinion has always gone above and beyond. Help from Chris’ folks has never been an option, and my dad is a similar case. Every time I’ve even gotten in the neighborhood of asking him for cash help, he has reminded me about all of the money that he gave my mom for us… by which he is referring to the $200,000 in back child support that he owed my mother for which she literally had to take him to court and sue him in order to get. And, excuse me for disagreeing, but that is her money, not ours, even though she uses it mostly on her kids and grands.
But I asked him anyway. I sobbed about it for a day and a half and then I wrote him this long ass fucking email asking him to pay for school for Eider- not the full amount, just whatever I couldn’t get in scholarship or financial aid. Which was up to half. It was a good email. Not desperate, but certainly earnest and clear. I felt both horrible about it and also somewhat surrendered. Like I had done my due diligence and tried my hardest to figure this shit out for my kid rather than throw in the towel too soon and either have to suck it up myself homeschooling with him for another year or make him suck it up and have a shit 8th-grade year. It will not be a surprise to anyone who has been reading this blog for any length of time to hear that even though I wrote to him in the very beginning of June I have yet to get a response. Of any sort. Just crickets. I am not surprised, just disappointed. I suppose it was one last effort on my part to see if he has any shits to give over me or my children and the answer as ever is a resounding NO.
I spazzed inwardly (and outwardly, sorry Chris) over this for a week or so before finally letting my mom know what was going on. It was around this time that my financial aid application was approved for the full amount possible, that is to say, half, or $6900. And of course, she offered to pay for the remaining half. And of course we gladly accepted the gift. Contingent for her on Eider himself assuring her that it is what he truly wants, and it is. And he does. He is over the moon about it really. And why shouldn’t he be? It affords him another year of childhood coupled with learning in earnest before being shoved too soon into the muck and mire of late middle-school teenage posturing. Blegh. He knows what it means and he is glad for this alternate path. And I am still fingers crossed that something similar emerges for his high school years. We shall see.
One of my closest buds, when we first moved to VT and were starting to slowly shift our family school paradigm said that she hypothesized that because Maple was going to school that year, that Eider would be soon to follow as well, and that Wilfred would likewise probably end up going to school in its entirety. I have thought about that often in the years since. It is an interesting consideration. And yet, as Freddy has grown and I have learned more about this place that we live now, I am only more and more excited about what home education could look like for the two of us together. I am pumped for it. Sure, he is going to be attending a forest preschool this fall, for a day and a half, and maybe he will go there for more days as he travels through his time there, but home ed was never anything I said I would do all by myself and I am big believer in preschool to be sure. Plus boy do I ever look forward to some time on my own this coming year. OH. EM. GEEE.
So that is the update. And the plan as it stands currently. I feel great about it. Like all of my children will for the first time in years have a sweet thing going in terms of their learning communities and I will meanwhile have some space to reflect and gather myself for the next phase of living. I can hardly stand it and even though I am tempted to say that I won’t even know what to do with myself, that is bullshit. I most certainly do.
xxx