Let’s keep talking about bodies for a moment, shall we? And something even a little more ephemeral than bodies, weight. Let me add my voice to the cry of: I have no intentions of getting any version of my body back. Like we have heard before, my body didn’t go anywhere. What it did do was carry three 8+ pound babies to term and then deliver them with minimal assistance. So, as far as I can tell, some loose abdominal skin is with me for the duration and I am pretty fine with that. I am aware how short and precious this season is and I love it so much that I don’t really mind the reminders of it once it has passed.
So, weight. It is something that I think about from time to time, but far less than I think about things like function. Function in fact, is something that I have a vested interest in getting back, to the best of my ability. We did once have a scale and I would weigh myself, but when the battery died and we never replaced it, I figured that we were all far better off without it. I occasionally miss it when I need to weigh a suitcase before travel, or when I am wondering what Eider weighs, but beyond that, not so much.
The last time that I was weighed when I was pregnant was at right around 32 weeks when I last saw the UW Midwives. I was 177lbs, but 3 pounds shy of what I weighed at the end of both of my previous pregnancies. With @8 weeks, or so I thought, left to go, I was under no illusion that there were only three pounds left to add. Thankfully, my Vermont Midwife had nothing even resembling a scale for adults anywhere in her vicinity so I was saved from ever having any idea how far the needle tipped. If had to warrant a guess, I would say: some.
Wilfred is right around 3 and a half months and I only just sort of weighed myself the other day. As we do not take regular trips to a doctor’s office, Wilfred hadn’t been weighed since 6 weeks and I have been curious about where he is at now. Everyone keeps on telling me that he is a chunk but to me he seems both immense and tiny all at once and I had really no idea. So, when we were at the pool last week we stepped on the scale together and weighed 175 in all of our long underwear, jeans, sweaters, and boots (ok, just me in boots). Then I handed him to Moo and stepped on again myself and was 159. So my best guess is that he is somewhere between 15 and 16 pounds minus his clothing and diaper. It it a rough estimate for sure.
But what does that mean about me? Honestly, who knows? I do know that a normal weight window for me is a pretty wide one, anywhere from 138-148 depending on my activity and appetite. I am not a dieter so the number is often more associated with mood that much else. Sad Meg usually means smaller numbers. So, what kind of association do you make there? I do thankfully have a roomy pair of jeans that I could slide into pretty quickly postpartum and that was a nice break from all the stretchy pants. The regular pants are still a little tight so I did the sane thing and bought a not so baggy pair in a bigger than usual size and then for the most part have forgotten about it. I don’t know what the numbers are, not really, but I do know how I feel. And that is what I want to be in relationship with. And I feel hungry. Every day I feel a little stronger and am a little more active and that in addition to breastfeeding a growing and increasingly more active baby makes for an expanding appetite to be sure.
In fact, I am beginning to feel like I really need to watch it. I want to have plenty of milk for my little one and as he is my last ever baby I am in no hurry to stop nursing any time remotely soon. I’d like to make it to 2 years at the very least and in order to get there I need to make supply a big part of the equation when we are talking about nutrition and calories, activity and weight.
So that is really a big part of where my postpartum body attention is right now. Restoring function and feeding my baby. Yet, I am aware that it may appear that I slim down quicker than some and in the interest of full transparency I am here to share where my focus really lies and what my goals actually are. We are all unique. Thank goodness. And there are infinite examples of what healthy is and it is never going to be in anyones best interest to make any assumptions or to gauge how you actually are based on an ephemeral number. You do you. I’ll do me. My hope is that we can each stay increasingly connected to a more wholistic version of wellness and prioritize how we are feeling and the care we are taking above all else.