I have been intending to sit down and spit some word out for days but I am full of distraction and if it’s not one thing then it’s another and yes for sure even though I love winter it really would be great to skip town to a warm and sunny beach there has to be one I can drive to from here, right?? According to the last hour of my life that I just spent looking… not so much.
Ugh. So, whatever. On and off deep Covid-Times malaise over here. A little bit of the ‘ol in and out of the doldrums. I know I’m not alone and I’ve got several text chains worth of memes to prove it.
One of the only regular outings that we have these days is to a local acupuncturist’s clinic. She is great and it does the trick in terms of a nice moment of reprieve and relax along with an all systems tune-up. I am into it. And she is cool. Classic New England. Super cerebral and matter of fact and of course has a Ph.D. duh. She’s smart and down to earth which I love and does a bang-up job of reading pulses which I find fascinating and in the words of my friend Whitney Lawless, she doesn’t have a metaphysical bone in her body. (Words referring to another body systems based practitioner and ultra apt here too.) Not that she needs to, ahem, she does a great job at what she is doing and, ahem, she has a P H D.
She just isn’t my witch doctor.
Chris and I often joke, tongue in cheek a bit but not quite, that wherever we live, after a spell we always manage to find our just right for us witch doctor, or sometimes even a cadre of witch doctors. Now, I am often- if not entirely or anywhere near always- a practical woman, and I like reason and rational and above all else SKILL when it comes to my wellness providers. If they are a skilled smarty pants with a certain hankering toward the occult then chances are they may well be for me.
And I haven’t found them here yet. I almost did, right when we first arrived, but then their receptionist stole my credit card info and they didn’t do a single thing about it other than to make sure I wasn’t nasty yelping them- which in hindsight I probably should have done. They took that root word of CULT and just ran with it in my opinion and as much as I am better off not having my raw bits in spaces with questionable integrity it was still a bummer and I am still on the hunt.
There is lots of the mystical lining the path of my family through time and straight up into the present. I can forget it sometimes in the day to day drudgery that the magic and the presence I so strive to pay attention to in each moment and in each mood is actually a hint at something maybe even more strongly woven into the tale of who we are.
I think that habits and perspectives shape all sorts of things, certainly who we become, but also perhaps who we call in and I know I have said it a thousand times throughout the years on this very same blog, but Maple is that. I think by the time she arrived on the scene I was about 8 or so years deep into looking through lenses that lived outside the mainstream so my cells had certainly turned over and she was born of that. I had her first-star chart mapped and read before she was even two and would watch her move through the world as the keen observer who stood on the edges taking it all in while the other toddlers reached in and joined and she watched.
From a time well before she was even a glimmer up until quite recently she and our whole family would visit a type of care practitioner that would, as Chris likes to say: tie and untie invisible knots of energy around us. For a while when she was 5 or so I would leave little fairy friend notes for her all over our house. I encouraged her no doubt. But regardless, she was (is!) magic.
No surprise that when she told me that she was talking to spirits with a pendulum and then she showed me and I saw some business with that pendulum that people get paid to say is happening but coulda fooled me… I started to maybe feel a little bit concerned. Something along the lines of holy shit this kid is really open and when she asks a question she is getting answers but from whom exactly and do I want just any ‘ol spirit reaching out to my kid??
So I did the most rational thing someone like me would do in such an instance… I sought out a professional psychic to help me guide and safeguard my daughter without squashing her magnificence.
This is when we began learning about shields. About how Maple could craft them in different ways, physically and energetically. Great news for someone superstitious who also enjoys crafting, to begin with. This is also when we learned that there was a coven of witches who had our house on an energetic lockdown that couldn’t be cleared and couldn’t be cured and was best dealt with by getting on out. We had been rolling around the idea with some earnestness for years but this was certainly the kick in the pants that we needed and low and behold we were out of one home and onto our next within the year. (A dark blue house, not new built, on a hillside surrounded by large rocks, just like she said we’d find.)
Then when I finally got pregnant with Wilfie, which the psychic told us would happen (but ha jokes on her cuz she said twins! or is it…. tuti???) and maple told us he was coming too because that is what the pendulum told her before we had said hey maybe no more talking to spirits with your string anymore sweetie, k? It was time to turn her sensibilities toward something else. While I was busy accelerating our departure before the advent of bebe, she was busy basically turning herself into a human energy shield for me and her unborn brother.
The first thing Maple did, was to surround the perimeter of our property with grains of rice that she had like blessed or enchanted or some such business. Then, in addition to monitoring every single one of my behaviors - I feel like maybe I shared that we called her “Bad Doula” for the duration of my pregnancy, if not, you’re welcome- she also made up all of these rituals for herself based on made-up superstitions of one kind or another. There was not a night of my pregnancy that she didn’t come and tuck me in with some kind words and a kiss followed by rubbing the belly of a small Ganesh murti that lives on my dresser. Literally. Every. Night. I don’t think I have seen that girl at my bedside once since August 2019.
She also made other behavioral patterns for herself that she would follow, some she still does. Like, she tries to mostly walk-in only one direction inside of our house. It is ridiculous. But she is amazing and I like her as-is. And, like I said, in many regards I brought this all upon myself and despite endless nonsense over the years, I don’t think I would have it any other way. Besides, who am I to say what is real and what is not. She very well may be holding something of the unseen infrastructure of our lives in the balance. Who knows?
I would be amiss to close this out without making mentions of a few key character details. First, Chris says this propensity to seek out the magic makers is not him and all me, to which I say, perhaps, but he has certainly gone along with relative gusto from the very beginning which I think makes me pretty lucky indeed. And possibly even more bold in my pursuits.
Secondly, there is no Wilfred without Maple. I have always known that. I could shake off my longing for him but never when I was with her. When she was 10 or so I had a Tarot reading in which he was everywhere, but he was all tied up with her. Like he’s coming for sure but maybe it’s your daughter that he is coming to. So, like that. She called him into being, able to feel his substance long before the rest of us. They have always been together for me.
And lastly, Maple is magic. But she is also whip-smart and rational and practical and ready to fact check my ass. She is both. And what kinda brilliance is that?
All this to say, we haven’t found our witch doctor in VT yet. We have found some truly excellent care in other regards to be sure, but I am still on the lookout for someone who is working with the whole person, including the psyche and all that is possible in time and space. Rooted in actual knowledge and experience with an inquisitive and adaptable mind. Just that. Should be any day now.
