Eider had his first full-day of full-time homeschooling again this week Monday. It was sooooo good. I think we snuggled and read together on the couch for close to 3 hours that first day. And did all the things. At the end of the day I told him how great I thought the day was and how proud I am of him and he said that he has resolved to do everything mom asks him to do the first time she asks. In fact, he said, it’s his New Year’s resolution. He’s so hilarious.
And I am so relieved. Honestly, he can do whatever he likes in terms of his education. (mostly) But his time at school was going sideways for him and I think we were having a hard time understanding why we were doing it. So, now, back to basics. Chris jokingly said that after 2 days home fulltime Eider had gotten more actual school work done than he had in a semester of a class at school. I laughed. But Eider nodded earnestly and said “mom, it’s true”.
My learning curve in the area of parenting and home educating continues to be massive. No two kids are quite the same and everything I have learned with moo is moot for bear. And for Wilfie too no doubt. There are a lot of things that make the middle grades complicated, primarily socially, and there is not one best response for any of it. It is too easy to say that they need social opportunities with their peers. That is true in one sense but it also really depends on the content of those connections. Some kids (ahem, maple) are determined to meet the difficulty head on and not let the assholery bring them down. And other kids are perhaps too empathetic and intuitive to sustain the extra energy needed to both have effective boundaries and also stay in a spaciousness around their potential for growth and learning.
There is no one way. I think the best hint or tip I have is to just watch how contracted my kids are becoming in any given circumstance. Are they growing? Or are they retreating and shrinking into themselves in a way that is the opposite of their dreamed becoming? How much pressure is good and beneficial, and how much is just too much and now they are shutting down? It can be hard to tell. It is hard as a parent to keep my eyes peeled and discerning of all of the ups and downs, highs and lows, revelations and treacheries that it is to be a modern adolescent and teen.
Ok and I guess cuz I am realizing that this is longer and something more than an ig post, I gotta say, middle school today is not what it was when I was a kid. And while I certainly was messing around in a whole bunch of ways earlier than many, drugs and sex were more of a high school phenomenon than a middle school one. Middle school is extra young, right? I mean, maybe I’m not stunned about kids smoking weed, but I certainly am confused by the rest of it. And if my grown lady ass is confused, I cannot really begin to imagine how overwhelming the whole thing is for the actual middle schoolers. For real.
Plus, there is other weird shit that seems hostile and unnecessary but horrifyingly understandable in light of the shitstorm of a world these kids are living through and looking to inherit. Everyone has the benefit of the doubt as far as I am concerned. But, maybe the 12 and 13, and hey how about the 14 and 15 year olds, could hold off on a few things for now? Ugh. Honestly though, I know nothing. Especially not about what life is like for kids living through this moment in time. I thought middle and high school were a super special kind of suck 30 years ago, and that was when basically nothing that exists now was even a glimmer on my narcissistic radar.
So before I go too far off the rails and freak myself the heck out about the world, about the kids, about all the things; let me just circle back to say, eider is back home, the relief is palpable, and life and childrearing continue to be an incredibly mysterious, and humbling experience.
