Maple will be home on Sunday. Finally. And Eider the following Sunday. So it feels like we are on the back end now of this strange summer of separation. And yet, I really have to say, or rather I want to admit, that the last 2 weeks home with just Chris and Freddy have been a blast. In so many ways. Freddy and I have been an inseparable pair, more so than usual, and he has been so fun and funny and agreeable, especially to all of the gym time that has been on the menu for mom since we got home from Maine. He’s just the best and this age is such a party and I just love hanging out with him and knowing him and loving him. I think he pushed pies for the very last time the other morning and while that is bittersweet for sure, I think it marks this next season in his life quite nicely. Like he and I get to transmute that particular bond into something else and that has a new sort of sweetness.
Chris and I have been enjoying the evenings without any kids once Freddy is in bed, which is early now without the nap. He hung on to that for a long time and it was totally one of those things that was just right for all of us until one day it wasn’t anymore and well there you go. Time to shift. It sure is nice to be done with mom mode after 8 pm, especially knowing that the bigs will be back soon and those hours before bedtime in many regards become prime time. And so. We’ve been taking advantage of the time for just the two of us with lots of sex and snuggles and Ted Lasso. It has in many regards felt like this strange at-home vacation. Ba! The progression of parenting in a nutshell: when one kid at home feels like a vacation.
It has been an odd time too though. I have been feeling as though I am on pause or suspended relief between what was and the unknown that is coming so soon. Liminal and unclear and in between. When Maple returns this weekend, it very well may be the last time she returns home in this manner. Her senior year is just about to begin and with it all of the unknowns of college applications, navigating scholarships and financial aid, APs, and then a whole lotta lasts stacked on top of that. In other words, we have some work ahead of us and this pause between seasons feels even more stark. I have no idea what is coming for us. And yet I know that we are on the precipice of massive change, the type that is going to be wildly altering no matter how much fun I have had over the course of the last two weeks. I am feeling big feelings that is for sure. Sometimes they are at the forefront and sometimes hovering at the back of my awareness, but always there. Good grief as much as this time has been surprisingly joyful, I miss my girl, and the thought of just always missing her is hard to stomach.
So, all of that. And also, almost as the perfect real-life metaphor, everything around here is breaking or in some persistent state of disrepair. Our fridge, our washing machine, the vehicles, the window screens (hellooooo flies), the driveway… Chris and I bounce back and forth between denial and squeezing our eyes shut as we hand over the credit card. So it goes.
As I mentioned, I have been playing hard/working hard with a new strength training program Shelly Denholm is designing for me. I am still hopping into Crossfit classes 2 or 3 times a week cuz that is just fire. And all of the other ways I can conceive of being active in VT in the summertime, which are many. Yesterday I slammed into the wall of my own capacity and recognized that I couldn’t shortchange myself on rest, which I simultaneously love and hate to do. It was kind of rad honestly. I could not muscle (with my body or my mind) my way out of it. I was just done. Cooked. Kaput. Toast. Lol. Fun to get there I guess.
I am teaching a pop-up class on the zooms this morning for the Islesford yogis, riffing off of a mermaid and pirate theme as folks on the island (including my kid!) get ready for launch tomorrow. It is an all-hands-on-deck situation, the lead-up to launch, and it feels good to throw a little energy that way even from afar. After that Freddy and I have plans to hike up Elmore today, strangely for the first time all summer. It should be slow and steady and awesome and I will report back. Other wrapping up this time tasks include all of the trips to the laundromat (boooooo) and the blueberry patch (huzzah!) along with finally getting Freddy’s little sleeping nook underway. He’s still happy in his crib, believe it or not, but I think he will be quite pleased with his little makeshift closet nest.
That is all for now my loves. Thanks for reading yet another installment of meg’s public journal. xxx